glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
