Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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