do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
