She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
