she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
