You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
