If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
