Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Alive.
So much puke
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
