If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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