Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
