You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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