Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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