Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
