I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
