hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
