From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
