I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize