im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
BRING THE BAGELS
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
