I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
