I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
