so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
