Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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