If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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