I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
