Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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