Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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