Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
