She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
