Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
