that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
