covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We are two peas in an std pod
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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