That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
