So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
