were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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