Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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