i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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