I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
