I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
