I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
