found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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