he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
