I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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