That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
