i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
