Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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