I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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