on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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