So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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