at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
