Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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