I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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