I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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