no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
