god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Where is the hickey?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
