I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
