Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
