I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
