Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
