Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
