i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize