Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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